An Uncommon Intermission: Brussel Sprouts... That Are Awesome??

Yes, you read it.

Today's diversion from the Culinary Conquistadors' Austrian Month features none other than the scourge of youth everywhere: brussel sprouts. Bill Cosby hated them, children run in fear, and adults politely avoid them whenever possible. So why, if they are the essence of "terrible" would we discuss them?

I realize the concept is hard to digest (ha! +1), so allow me to pose the following question: Would the Ugly Duckling be the same if you always knew he was a swan? *Belated spoiler alert: the ugly duckling is a swan* No, because it wouldn't be pleasantly surprising when the "duckling" turned out to be beautiful. Such is the case with brussel sprouts. They are ugly, green lumps with a funky taste by most accounts... but what if you knew how to make them... not?

Well we found the way.

Ok, no we didn't, we read it in GQ. Here is the link with the recipe and the directions... Follow that and I'll focus on our experiences and let them handle the cooking explanation.

David Chang of Momofuku's brussel sprouts with bite.

Basically, long story short, David Chang, owner / chef of Momofuku restaurant in New York and one of the more highly regarded chefs around, invented a recipe for brussel sprouts that 1. Is reeeeal hard to screw up, and 2. tastes amazing. His sprouts were so successful, in fact, that he had to take them off the menu... Literally just about every table ordered them and he didn't want to have to designate a cook to making nothing but sprouts all night. That, in itself, should tell you something about the recipe.

When our mother walked in the door from Heinen's with a bag of brussel sprouts a few days back, I found myself feeling a way I never had before... excited about brussel sprouts! I ran upstairs, cut the recipe page out of GQ, and ran back down triumphantly, much to the confusion of everyone else. I loudly declared, "I can make these actually GOOD!"

And we did. We followed the recipe as laid out in the link above, and I have to say that my only regret is that we didn't have more. They were absolutely delicious by all accounts. Try them... really. I know it seems crazy, and I know they usually taste weird, but honestly these are a different vegetable altogether. If I'm wrong, feel free to comment to that regard. (I'm not).
Best of luck; I hope you'll also discoverer that when your mothers and grandmothers claimed that vegetables were, "good and good for you", they weren't lying... completely.

Enjoy.

Brussels Sprouts

Ode to Osterreich, Part I: Escape to Schnitzel Mountain

Now that you've heard Matty's story... lets move on to a more relevant topic.

Finally, 14 months after I first arrived in Austria, we shall get around to discussing Austrian cuisine, a course I ACTUALLY took! Yes dear readers, believe it or not, I do have SOME formal education on cooking. I'd give a shout-out to Birgitta the awesome cook and professor at Salzburg College, but you can't shout in text. CAPS means serious, but not necessarily loud. It's a complicated blogosphere we live in.

Is this revelation of experience a betrayal of trust? Is it a sign that you may just get something out of this blog? Call it what you will, but the fact that I have been trained by a life-long Austrian cook means a few things. 1. Descriptions of Austrian dishes will be somewhat more reliable than others as we are not completely in the dark going into it. 2. You may learn dishes that you've either never heard of, or have heard of and giggled at under your breath because they start with the word "Wiener". 3. We probably giggled at some point too.

Speaking of which, the first dish that we will discuss / explain our endeavors to is that of Wiener Schnitzel! What a wonderful segway, I know. This dish, simply put, is the Schnit. It is the staple dish of Vienna and more broadly Austria, and it is both delicious AND simple in its creation. If you manage to screw it up, I applaud your efforts because it's tough to do. If you succeed, guests / family members / alien visitors will be amazed at the exotic cuisine you've managed to concoct (It's name is German?! Oh how cultural!). You can't very well lose with schnitzel.

About Schnitzel

First of all, it's pronounced "Vee-ner", not "Wee-ner". Lets get the chuckles aside, this is serious business (not really). In German, Vienna is called Wien, or "Veen" phonetically. W = V in German to English. Didn't think you learn that here, did you? So Wiener schnitzel realistically means "Viennese" schnitzel. Schnitzel just means schnitzel, but it's no less fun to say.

Schnitzel, as the photo of Shnitzel Mountain to the left shows, is a type of breaded / fried cutlet dish. While it may look somewhat basic in construction, there are some deviations that can be made when creating it. Traditionally schnitzel is made with veal, although veal is notably expensive. For this reason turkey breast cutlets are often substituted, or even pork cutlets work well. Matty and I have used all three meats throughout our schnitzel endeavors, and they all taste great. Beyond the meat decision, the equation is quite simple: you'll need breadcrumbs, eggs, flour, salt, pepper, cooking oil, and garnishes to create an inspiring meal.

Ingredients (In a simpler-to-read format)
(To serve 4)

2 eggs
2 T milk
2 lbs. leg of veal (or substitute turkey breast / boneless pork) - Cut into 1/4 in. thick slices
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
4 T flour
1 cup finely ground, dried breadcrumbs
Oil for frying

Lemons (garnish)
Preiselbeeren / cranberry sauce (garnish)


So you start with your meat. As directed, you want to buy veal, turkey, or pork cutlets and beat them into 1/4 in. slices... they can either be bought this way or be flattened with a meat hammer. Trust me, the latter is significantly more fun. I've made schnitzel at home, at school, and abroad, and hands-down beating the meat is the favorite activity. It's loud, but whether you actually have a mallet or just a pronged crusher (see picture), it works.

Once flattened, sprinkle the meat slices liberally with salt and pepper. Get both sides, it is important for flavoring. Next, dip each slice in flour and shake off the excess. You'll want to have the flour out on a cutting board or large bowl or something to do this. Next, take your eggs and beat them with the milk long enough to combine them. Once this is accomplished, dip the floured veal slices into the beaten eggs. Yes, it will be gross at the time, we know... it will pay delicious dividends eventually, however. Finally, take the floured, egg-ed veal slices and dip them in the bread crumbs, covering both sides. Shake off the excess, and you're done with the sloppy part of the assembly line.


Now for the actual cooking: Heat oil in a heavy, 12-in. frying pan preferably until a light haze forms over it. Put in enough to cover the bottom. Next, add the prepared cutlets themselves. Cook the cutlets over meduim heat for 3-4 min per side or until they are a golden-brown color. Yes, like marshmallows, it is a universal indicator of "good". Use tongs to turn them over (the oil will attack you to the best of it's ability so keep your distance).

Realistically, this is about all it takes. As the schnitzel is finished being browned (you may want to check one to be sure you have cooked it through, but I've never run into a problem with that), it should realistically be served immediately. A warm schnitzel is a happy schnitzel. Garnish with lemons when you serve it... squeezing lemon on these guys is absolutely essential to getting the full experience in my book. You can also serve it with preiselbeeren (cranberry) preserves... we haven't done so the last few times we have made it, but that is simply because we forgot to pick some up. It is certainly recommended as well if you can find some. It is recommended as well that you serve schnitzel with some sort of potatoes / potato salad (I'll post the Austrian way to make good potatoes / potato salad in a future post... check there).

In all, schnitzel is easy yet rewarding in both taste and experience. It is not only something different for most people, but fun to make with friends and family. Since it is pretty difficult to mess up on schnitzel, the benefits of working together are rarely mitigated. If we can do it, just about anyone should be able to. If you haven't found out from the Alamo Soup post, we can be pretty inept. Best of luck, get you some of that schnit.

The Truth Comes Out

Luke's last post is nothing but a foul, malicious lie. According to his story, we were slounching about on our haunchy laurels and choosing to be sedentary and lame. According to him, we just didnt feel like getting our hands dirty in the muddy, bug-infested pool of culinary excellence.

The Truth, however, is much more sinister.

You see, if we'd had time to be cooking up a storm, we certainly would have been. If we'd had the opportunity to explore the wonderful world of tasty dishes and exciting possibilities, we'd have been on that like butter on bread. The only problem is, we were busy being KIDNAPPED BY OUTER SPACE ALIENS!!!!!

Here's exactly what went down. We were actually in the kitchen, and brainstorming about our next potential culinary adventure, when I suddenly saw a bright flashing light outside of the window. Lukas was horribly frightened and shivering in the corner like the flimsy yellow coward he is; I, on the other hand, wanted to explore this new development and expand my knowledge on its existence and meaning. After a few promises of Scooby Snacks, he agreed to investigate, quivering like a thing that holds arrows.

The aforementioned flashy bright thingie turned out to be a decently large flying saucer; I would just call it a saucer, because at the time it was most certainly not flying, but to call it simply a "saucer" would seem rather anticlimactic. Anyways, to make a short story even shorter, we were absconded by these aliens (who looked curiously like Zydrunas Ilgauskas, but slightly taller) and were forcibly thrown in the cargo hold. It only took me about 10 minutes to figure out a brilliant escape plan, but due to crazy alien time-bending stuff and some very strange applications of the theory of relativity, it ended up being about a month later when we returned.

Luke tried to cover up the story with his lies of complacency, but I think that you all deserve to know the truth. And you know what the really funny thing is? After Luke made that post, the same thing happened again, and that's why THIS post is very late as well. Aliens... what are ya gonna do, ya know?

That said, I think Luke will have a series of posts quite soon about his amazing Austrian cuisine! Pumped? I am!!

Ok, ok.

So we got distracted.


... or lazy.


... well whatever we did we haven't been great at keeping up with our accomplishments on this here blog... something that oughta change.

Matty went back to school and got stuck with extra-curriculars and coursework... I started working more as a law clerk... Some of our excuses are legit, some aren't. The point is, we got some catch-up (ketchup?) to do, bad puns and all.

We'll get on that.

We All Make Mistakes - Alamo Soup

Today the Conquistadors learned a vital lesson - we are absolutely not invincible. We knew that from the start, but this was our first massive failure. For the record, it was Luke who was saying that we shouldn't follow the directions on the package of Udon Noodles, and just wing it. There will be no recipe given here, as we do not want anyone ever to repeat our mistake. I will tell you this of the forbidden food: we were attempting to make Udon noodle soup. That is all the information I can disclose in good conscience.

In lieu of a recipe, please accept this sage advice: do not burn chicken, do not overdo noodles to the point of sogginess, take it easy when it comes to soy sauce, and don't add onions where they are not welcome.

We decided to call our Conquista-flop the "Alamo Soup," as it should always be remembered whenever we are planning on doing something without any directions. The dog wouldn't touch it, the garbage disposal complained when we tried to pour it down, and when we threw it outside, everything within its splash radius withered and died. This stuff was toxic. I will have to end this short, as I feel the need to go and hug some trees to get back on Mother Nature's good side.

Always remember...

The Spicy Bacon Buffalo Ranch Chicken Super Sandwich Extravaganza

The ground shakes...
Children scream...
Buildings tremble...
And in a brilliant and dazzling display of light, Matty descends from the heavens, with a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. Oh, joyous day!

Yes, I am indeed back, and actually have been for a while... but now that Lukas, Karsten and I have the house to ourselves (as the others are on a road trip down to Davidson college), we were actually forced to make something delicious. Well, by golly, we succeeded!

What we're looking at is a sandwich, of the chicken variety. We put on chicken, cheese, bacon, and some delightful sauces, and it turned out just heavenly. The whole thing is pretty basic and we were able to make it all from scratch, but the actual frying of the chicken did prove to be a bit of a challenge. We went in with low expectations since we were working with Karsten, the non-Conquistador brother. He was eager to help, and he actually did most of the brainstorming required to get the vision for our bodacious burger.


What you need:
- chicken (amount depends on how many burgers you're making)
- egg (enough to coat however much chicken you are using)
- flour: we actually used potato flour, as we didn't seem to have any regular flour. You might want to plan better than we did.
- breadcrumbs: ours were Italian.
- oil (enough to fry that chicken)
- cheese: we used provolone, and it was good.
- ranch dressing / tiger sauce
- Kaiser rolls: you could use a different kind of sandwich bun, but you'd only be cheating yourself.
- a dash of irony (see below)

You're going to start by cracking open your egg(s) in a bowlish-type thing, and then - this is where the dash of irony comes in - flopping the chicken around in the egg. Once your chicken is all eggy, roll it around in the flour and then the bread crumbs. Next, it's time to fry your chicken in a large skillet with oil. Move it around and flip it periodically, and if you are going to add salt and pepper or other ssssssspices (which we recommend you do,) now is the time to do it. Put some paper towels down somewhere to place the chicken on when it is done frying; you will want to absorb some of that grease. Cook your bacon in another skillet - we had Karsten on bacon duty and myself on frying duty. Again, you'll probably want to grind on some pepper while it's sizzling. You can microwave your bacon... if you have a weak soul.

Then we come to the actual construction of the sandwich. First (and optionally) put any spices you want on the chicken - cajun, chili powder, tiger sauce, pepper blend, whatever. Put enough chicken on the bottom bun to cover it, then put your cheese on top of that. On top of the cheese goes the bacon, and on top of that goes your sauces; ranch is a must, and tiger sauce goes quite well with it too.


Once it's all made, you may want to put it in the toaster oven to melt the cheese and give it a little crispification. Eat.


The general consensus was that this was a triumph; a huge success. It is hard to overstate our satisfaction; this was some quality food. Yes, it did take some time and effort to prepare, and it's not very exotic, but everyone present said they would definitely eat it again. (In fact, we had made a lot of chicken, and at least Karsten and I made second burgers.) We apologize for the long wait between entries, but this one was a definite keeper. And thus, I have made my triumphant return! Look forward to more strange and mysterious adventures in the world of delicious from the Culinary Conquistadors!

This Salad Don't Run.

America.

A lush utopia where freedom is freer*, bison roam the plains**, and a global melting pot exists to better the lives of immigrants from around the entire world***. American is SO awesome that it takes the name of two whole continents to represent one country! The other countries to the north and south seem to understand.
*Yes it is possible. **In significantly diminished numbers. *** This probably isn't true

It is only in the U.S. of A. that a salad like the one you are about to be introduced to could truly be realized. Is it because of the abounding ingenuity in this country? Is it because the Culinary Conquistadors (also borrowing* a name from South America) have unparalleled experience in the world of food preparation? No, believe it or not, neither is the case... it is because America has one more thing that other countries yearn for.
*No we won't pay you for it

Hot dogs.
Yes!! Believe it! We have created the Spicy Hotdog Salad!
How marvelous! Stupendous! What glory could a hotdog salad possibly contain??

Well, I'll tell you.

The story starts, of course, with my discovery of the Angus Beef Hotdog.

Yes, it's capitalized. The most fascinating of the hotdog species, the angus beef dog is the king of weiners. You may think that all hot dogs are the same. If this is the case, please eat a Bar S hot dog and then an angus beef Ballpark frank and come back with a written apology. There are some foods in this world that truly are indistinguishable when it comes to quality. An organic onion and a regular onion, for example, may taste quite similar. Hot dogs, given their somewhat... unsavory nature, tend to vary quite significantly in this respect. We decided to use the best for our creation, and we suggest you do the same.

Torry, the 18 year old of the Treu sons, stood in for Matty in his continued absence and was the champion griller of these beauties; I handled the salad-portion. If you wish to create this healthy* dish yourself, you need only compile the following ingredients**.
*It does not actually follow that simply because something is a salad, it will make you healthy. ** This should make a meal for ~3 people.

- 1 pack of angus beef hotdogs (we used Ballpark)
- pine nuts (optional)
- shredded cheddar cheese
- shredded pepper jack cheese
- genoa salami (you knew it had to make an appearance)
- diced red onion
- American Mix salad (or could compile your own greens)
- 5 Lettuce Mix (see above comment)
- Yellow heirloom (?) tomato
- Tobasco green pepper sauce (can substitute vinaigrette if you dislike mildly spicy dishes)

The first step is to shred your cheese / dice some red onion and tomato if it hasn't been done previously. Also take some salami slices and cut them into 1" x 1/2" strips. The amount you add is up to you - we used 4 slices of salami and maybe 1/4 of the tomato and onion. Take your lettuce / salad mixes, place them in a large salad bowl. The American Mix consists of iceberg lettuce, shredded carrots, and slices of radish, the 5 Lettuce Mix is fairly self-explanatory. The order of adding ingredients from this point on is mostly arbitrary: add your tomato, onion, both cheeses, salami, and pine nuts. At this point you may want to give your salad a preliminary tossing to mix it up.

Take your hot dogs, we used 6 for the salad (and may have eaten the others) and grill them. Once they are finished, slice them into 1/2" or so segments and toss them in the salad. Finally, take a bottle of green pepper sauce (you may know this at the green sauce from Chipotle) and splash it alllllll over your salad. seriously we used like 1/4 of a bottle. It is a mild sauce so it never gets overwhelmingly spicy regardless of volume. Finally, do another thorough salad tossing, now with all ingredients.

Eat.

The wonderful think about America is it is full of lazy people! Or is that the not-so wonderful thing? I forget. Either way, this salad requires minimal cooking and skill to create, so really anyone can make it. We hope you do. It was unanimously agreed that it was delicious, and was definitely something new. So next time you are out of hot dog buns, consider a salad version. You'll likely trick yourself into believing that you are eating healthily and will surely enjoy it.