Mission Success...for Me at Least

Part 1:

Phew...I made it back. I wasn't sure if I would, what with all the snow, but here I am. Kraig. Your guest rambler.

Some of you may be thinking, "Why are they letting him back, he didn't even say how to make the bread in the last post? He basically said just throw stuff together?"

Well who asked for your opinion anyway....But you are right. I was just testing to see who was paying attention. But when it comes down to it, I feel like all cooking ever is simply throwing stuff together and hoping it turns out OK.

So for those whining about the last post I hope this helps--Inventory for "Irish" Soda Bread:

-Oil or cooking spray for the baking sheet

-3.5 cups of flour, 0.5 cup uncooked oatmeal, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda

-8 ounces sour cream, 0.75 cup skim milk, 3 tbsp sugar (mix together separately, then combine with above mixture)

-5 tbsp melted butter (4 for the mixture, 1 to be brushed on top of the bread before putting it in the oven

Now, on to bigger and better things (or so I thought)

Cheddar Cheese Soup-aka. Onion Soup (and some Cheese)

This part of the recipe didn't start out very well for me right from the start.

"Peel two onions and cut into thin slices."

Peel an onion? I know you can peel a banana. Or even peel an apple or orange. But I didn't know you could peel an onion. The only think I knew about onions was that I asked for them to be held when I order a sandwich and I pick them off of my salad.

The problems started even earlier when I was buying the onions. There is more than one kind of onion! Who makes all of these things up anyway? Isn't one type of onion too much? Needless to say I bought two purplish things under a sign that read, "onions."

I didn't know where to start with peeling this thing, so I attacked it like a corn husk. That worked for a bit, but when I got off what I thought was the husk it was still purple. So I decided I should probably peel that off too. I mean everything else looks different after you peel it.

Apparently that's not the case with onions.

So the onions are now more or less peeled (less would be my guess). I sliced them up the best I could (smaller I think is better), decided two full onions was way too much (and too much work), and went ahead and moved on to the next step.

Next, I took 0.25 cup of butter and melted that in a large saucepan. I think it was a saucepan; it could've been a pot, but definitely wasn't a kettle. Anyway, you throw the cut up onions into the saucepan, stir occasionally, and do this over medium heat until the onions are translucent (15-20 min).

Then, it's a bunch of steps in a row so be ready. 0.3333333 (rounded of course) cup of flour added in and stirred constantly for 1 min. Follow that by stirring in 2.5 cups water, 1 vegetable bouillon cube (which I was very sad to find out is not the same as bullion), and 2.5 cups of milk. Bring the mixture to a boil.

After that, season with salt and pepper and simmer over low heat, stirring frequently for 5 min.

At this point I have a few more problems with the recipe. First, what does season mean? Is that a unit of measurement? How much salt and pepper is in a season? Do you pour salt and pepper in until the spring thaw rolls around? I don't like how recipes aren't exact. Tell me how much salt to put in, what temperature medium heat is, and what kind of onion to get. Some people may like the art of cooking, but for those of us who are cooking challenged, we need to be told what to do.

Second, for Cheddar Cheese soup, there is a large amount of cheese that is not in the recipe. But don't fret; that's coming up next.

Remove the saucepan from the heat and mix in 2 heaping cups of grated cheddar cheese (I added the heaping part), stirring until it is completely melted.

Done, and all I smell is onion.

At this point the bread should also be done (you should start making the soup just as you put the bread in the oven). Wait until the bread cools before cutting, or the piece will just crumble apart. Then serve immediately with the soup. It will feed about 4-6 people, depending on the level of hunger of course.

Not to brag, but it was pretty darn good. The soup was a bit too oniony for my taste, but still good. I paired this with a Hofbräu Oktoberfestbier, which was good, but I think a fuller fall beer would go very well with it.

Looking back on this whole experience, I'm glad I tried something new and it does make me want to make this again and "fix" the soup. For hating cooking, this was pretty fun. So thank you Culinary Conquistadors for the encouragement to vanquish some vittles. Keep cooking! (I'll try to stay out of the kitchen, for everyone's protection)

"I'm making....TOAST!" Not really though...

Part 2:

Haha! I tricked them. They are letting me post on their cooking blog "Culinary Conquistadors" and, most of the time, I'm usually getting conquistadored by the culinary.

To introduce myself (the guest blogger) to this world of cooking blogs, I'm Kraig (aka Draig or Reiberger) and the one thing you need to know about me is: I don't cook (I actually fancy myself a photgrapher; check out my blog at Id Est)

For me, preparing a gourmet meal is making a grilled cheese sandwich. I didn't make scrambled eggs for the first time until I was 23. Yes, I know it's embarrassing, but when it comes down to it I don't cook because it takes too long. When I start thinking about food, it's already too late to start cooking. I want food now.

So as far as cooking goes, I'm the microwave master. "Why am I posting on this site?" you ask. Well, I'm living on my own now, I've cut meat out of my diet, and, believe it or not, I'm starting to get sick of pasta and peanut butter and jelly. My hand has been forced, so the following is my feeble attempt at cooking something new. (It turned out to not take too long, was kind of easy, and tasted good.)

Cheddar Cheese Soup with Irish Soda Bread

-or-

Misnomer Bread with Onion Soup (and some Cheese)

This comes out of my vegetarian cook book, and I vastly underestimated it's difficulty (meaning it had more than three steps).

Supposedly, this is how they are made (I don't understand cooking, so this is my interpretation of the cookbook): First, you need to be hungry (and not Hungary, there was some initial confusion about this) because without this there is no drive to make food. Next, you buy lots of items that have never been in your house before (i.e., flour, sugar, baking soda) and will likely never be used again.

As a side note, who knew that there was baking soda and baking powder?! I was also very worried about using baking powder in food. I thought it was only used to make small volcanoes explode and absorb smelly refrigerator smells.

Anyways, the first few steps were easy (and actually, making the bread was surprisingly very easy); throw some flour, uncooked oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and baking soda into a mixing bowl. People typically use mixing bowls, so I'm told, but a large tupperware container works just fine for people who don't have "real" cooking tools...utensils...whatever. Then, in another mixing bowl (i.e. cooking ware container that has never been used before) you put sour cream, skim milk, sugar, and melted butter.

The final step for the bread is to mix the two bowls together. The easiest way to mix it (read the only way I could mix it due to lack of "equipment") is to use your hands. Pour the sour cream mixture over the flour mixture and knead it with your hands. It is really sticky and you will know when it is mixed when all the flour is in the mixture and doesn't stick to your hands as much (it will still stick a lot). You should be able to put it into a cohesive shape. This then goes on to a baking sheet that is lightly coated with oil or cooking spray. (Note: Do this before mixing the bread with your hands or your cooking spray will have stuff all over it. I speak from experience.)

The bread should be put on the baking sheet in a mounded circle about 8 inches in diameter and put in an oven preheated to 375 degrees.

I was absolutely amazed to look in the oven, after 40-45 minutes or until it browns, and see something that resembled bread.

Thus concludes Part Two of our story. Stay tuned for scenes from the next post...

As a bit of an explanation for my title of the recipe: the first part of the cooking process is making the bread, even though it's the second part of the name. As my teachers taught me, the introduction should always follow the order of the story, therefore, I put the bread first in my title. Second, Irish Soda Bread is not Irish. The Native Americans invented it.

...Tune in to the next post for...

"...ONIONS!!!!"..."OMG! I'm making soup."

Culinary Conquistagloriousalsa!

Since it would have been entirely too convenient for me to share a Cinco-de-Mayo-related recipe with you before the holiday had come and gone, today I'm going to fill you in on how I celebrated on Wednesday and how our most recent culinary endeavor played into the festivities.

As you may or may not know, next Friday is my last day at the P.R. firm at which I have been interning since the beginning of the year. I've learned much more than I've earned, but I've had a great experience and am definitely coming out of the internship with a good bit of personal and professional development to show for it. It'll be a sad change in a lot of ways, but once you know that you are not going to be hired for financial reasons, it is time to move on.

Anyway, Wednesday (Cinco-de-Mayo) was the day of the Third Annual Salsa Challenge at the firm and I got talked into competing. I have never made salsa before, thus it seemed like a perfect challenge for a Culinary Conquistador... I couldn't just be that guy with a food blog who decided he didn't feel like competing.

In true last minute fashion, I went to my golf lesson on Tuesday at 7pm (realizing upon my arrival that they had scheduled me incorrectly and thus I ended up practicing on my own for a while) and then headed on to Heinen's at 8pm. Armed with a recipe which I had apparently cut out of a 2007 Gentleman's Quarterly issue and stuck in a cookbook, I was about to gather up the required fresh ingredients (plus a few additives of my own) and make it out before the store closed at 8:30.

When the GQ recipe page fell out of the cookbook that my mother was reference, I was excited for two reasons. First, I've generally had good luck with GQ-originating recipes in the past. Secondly, I thought to myself, "boy, writing this blog post ought to be easy... I can totally find it online and not have to type it all up!"

Guess I was wrong on the latter part.

For whatever reason, like a ghost-riding phantom drifting across the Mexican border to impart delicious, cryptic, tomato-centric knowledge upon me only to disappear forever into the sunset, I should have known that I'd never see so much as a mention of the recipe after the fact.

Well, alright, maybe that would have been a stretch. Regardless, I  have the original page of the bygone magazine issue and thus with a little extra effort can still relate to you the steps I took to make our salsa.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Roasted-Tomato Salsa" modified to become...
THE CULINARY CONQUISTAGLORIOUSALSA!

Serves four to six (if that is all you're eating)

Ingredients

• ~1 pound of on-the-vine tomatoes, cored
• 2 Kumato tomatoes (they are brownish in color)
• 6 Campari tomatoes (smaller, but larger than cherry tomatoes)
• 3/4 lb. of tomatillos
• 8 serrano chillies, stems removed
• 5 cloves garlic, peeled
• 1/2 large red onion, thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil (plus a little extra)
• Salt
• Sugar
• 1/4 white onion, chipped
• Handful of cilantro, stemmed and chopped
• 1 lime

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

2. Toss tomatoes (all) tomatillos, chilies, garlic, and sliced (red) onion with a small amount of oil in a roasting pan, season with salt, and then roast until soft and wilted (about 30-45 minutes... check @ 30 min). If you want a bit of char on the vegetables for added flavor (you do), roast the tomatoes, tomatillos, and chilies in sperate pans over high heat before placing them in the oven.

3. Once the ingredients are roasted (again, they should be soft and somewhat wilted), let them cool a bit then puree in a food processor, slowly adding the 1/2 cup of oil. This will help to emulsify the salsa. Season to taste with salt and a pinch or two of sugar (I went heavier on the salt as I like the taste).

4. Mix in the chopped raw (white) onion and cilantro. Cut your lime in half, juicing half and mixing the juice in with the salsa. Cut the other half into 6 wedges (see picture) to be used by individuals who may want to further flavor their salsa... besides, it looks cool as a colorful decoration.

5. Serve with warm tortillas or good-quality tortilla chips. Preferably cold beer or margaritas as well.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And that's what I did. It took a while... it was a bit more... viscous than anticipated and was also orange vs. the red salsa in the picture for one reason or another. The taste, which was the important part, was great.

The office shut down at 4pm on Wednesday and the "Creative Team" area became a Mexican eatery. We ended up having 13 entries in the competition and Lisa's husband came and tended bar with top shelf tequila-made margaritas and Coronas. It was a blast; all of the salsas were very different (ranging from chunky mango ones to smoky fine chipotle blends) but all very good. Everyone had a chance to submit one vote for their favorite of the thirteen... I'd say 25-30 folks voted.

The Culinary Conquistagloriousalsa did receive a couple votes for best salsa, however the top award went to a woman named Kris who used special smoked peppers from a brother-in-law in Arizona and herbs she'd grown in her own garden. Where my salsa was orange, hers was a deep brown and tasted as smoky as it looked. It deserved the win... and the festive giant chili pepper plate that went with the title.

Looking at my salsa, I have to say I was pretty happy with the results. I'll warn you now that it is pretty spicy... serrano peppers are up there in the heat index. Not TOO spicy; some sauces or chilies that I've had over the years leave a lingering, hurt-your-tongue burn. This chili has a crescendoing heat effect... You eat some and feel nothing at first, slowly gaining a "kick" over the first 15 seconds or so. The spiciness lingers for a minute or two, but recedes as quickly as it came. I nice touch, but nothing to lament afterward.

The taste was interesting. While the texture may have been less "meaty" than I had expected, the salsa was full of flavor and complexity. Everyone was very complimentary of it while sampling all the salsas, and Matty / the rest of our family was quite impressed when they tried it the next day.

In the end, I am glad that I competed. It was a chance to make a vegetable-only dish, use the freshest of ingredients, and come out with a big success on the first try. If you're looking to try your hand at a from-scratch salsa anytime soon, give strong consideration to the Culinary Conquistagloriousalsa.