Culinary Conquistagloriousalsa!

Since it would have been entirely too convenient for me to share a Cinco-de-Mayo-related recipe with you before the holiday had come and gone, today I'm going to fill you in on how I celebrated on Wednesday and how our most recent culinary endeavor played into the festivities.

As you may or may not know, next Friday is my last day at the P.R. firm at which I have been interning since the beginning of the year. I've learned much more than I've earned, but I've had a great experience and am definitely coming out of the internship with a good bit of personal and professional development to show for it. It'll be a sad change in a lot of ways, but once you know that you are not going to be hired for financial reasons, it is time to move on.

Anyway, Wednesday (Cinco-de-Mayo) was the day of the Third Annual Salsa Challenge at the firm and I got talked into competing. I have never made salsa before, thus it seemed like a perfect challenge for a Culinary Conquistador... I couldn't just be that guy with a food blog who decided he didn't feel like competing.

In true last minute fashion, I went to my golf lesson on Tuesday at 7pm (realizing upon my arrival that they had scheduled me incorrectly and thus I ended up practicing on my own for a while) and then headed on to Heinen's at 8pm. Armed with a recipe which I had apparently cut out of a 2007 Gentleman's Quarterly issue and stuck in a cookbook, I was about to gather up the required fresh ingredients (plus a few additives of my own) and make it out before the store closed at 8:30.

When the GQ recipe page fell out of the cookbook that my mother was reference, I was excited for two reasons. First, I've generally had good luck with GQ-originating recipes in the past. Secondly, I thought to myself, "boy, writing this blog post ought to be easy... I can totally find it online and not have to type it all up!"

Guess I was wrong on the latter part.

For whatever reason, like a ghost-riding phantom drifting across the Mexican border to impart delicious, cryptic, tomato-centric knowledge upon me only to disappear forever into the sunset, I should have known that I'd never see so much as a mention of the recipe after the fact.

Well, alright, maybe that would have been a stretch. Regardless, I  have the original page of the bygone magazine issue and thus with a little extra effort can still relate to you the steps I took to make our salsa.

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"Roasted-Tomato Salsa" modified to become...
THE CULINARY CONQUISTAGLORIOUSALSA!

Serves four to six (if that is all you're eating)

Ingredients

• ~1 pound of on-the-vine tomatoes, cored
• 2 Kumato tomatoes (they are brownish in color)
• 6 Campari tomatoes (smaller, but larger than cherry tomatoes)
• 3/4 lb. of tomatillos
• 8 serrano chillies, stems removed
• 5 cloves garlic, peeled
• 1/2 large red onion, thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil (plus a little extra)
• Salt
• Sugar
• 1/4 white onion, chipped
• Handful of cilantro, stemmed and chopped
• 1 lime

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

2. Toss tomatoes (all) tomatillos, chilies, garlic, and sliced (red) onion with a small amount of oil in a roasting pan, season with salt, and then roast until soft and wilted (about 30-45 minutes... check @ 30 min). If you want a bit of char on the vegetables for added flavor (you do), roast the tomatoes, tomatillos, and chilies in sperate pans over high heat before placing them in the oven.

3. Once the ingredients are roasted (again, they should be soft and somewhat wilted), let them cool a bit then puree in a food processor, slowly adding the 1/2 cup of oil. This will help to emulsify the salsa. Season to taste with salt and a pinch or two of sugar (I went heavier on the salt as I like the taste).

4. Mix in the chopped raw (white) onion and cilantro. Cut your lime in half, juicing half and mixing the juice in with the salsa. Cut the other half into 6 wedges (see picture) to be used by individuals who may want to further flavor their salsa... besides, it looks cool as a colorful decoration.

5. Serve with warm tortillas or good-quality tortilla chips. Preferably cold beer or margaritas as well.

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And that's what I did. It took a while... it was a bit more... viscous than anticipated and was also orange vs. the red salsa in the picture for one reason or another. The taste, which was the important part, was great.

The office shut down at 4pm on Wednesday and the "Creative Team" area became a Mexican eatery. We ended up having 13 entries in the competition and Lisa's husband came and tended bar with top shelf tequila-made margaritas and Coronas. It was a blast; all of the salsas were very different (ranging from chunky mango ones to smoky fine chipotle blends) but all very good. Everyone had a chance to submit one vote for their favorite of the thirteen... I'd say 25-30 folks voted.

The Culinary Conquistagloriousalsa did receive a couple votes for best salsa, however the top award went to a woman named Kris who used special smoked peppers from a brother-in-law in Arizona and herbs she'd grown in her own garden. Where my salsa was orange, hers was a deep brown and tasted as smoky as it looked. It deserved the win... and the festive giant chili pepper plate that went with the title.

Looking at my salsa, I have to say I was pretty happy with the results. I'll warn you now that it is pretty spicy... serrano peppers are up there in the heat index. Not TOO spicy; some sauces or chilies that I've had over the years leave a lingering, hurt-your-tongue burn. This chili has a crescendoing heat effect... You eat some and feel nothing at first, slowly gaining a "kick" over the first 15 seconds or so. The spiciness lingers for a minute or two, but recedes as quickly as it came. I nice touch, but nothing to lament afterward.

The taste was interesting. While the texture may have been less "meaty" than I had expected, the salsa was full of flavor and complexity. Everyone was very complimentary of it while sampling all the salsas, and Matty / the rest of our family was quite impressed when they tried it the next day.

In the end, I am glad that I competed. It was a chance to make a vegetable-only dish, use the freshest of ingredients, and come out with a big success on the first try. If you're looking to try your hand at a from-scratch salsa anytime soon, give strong consideration to the Culinary Conquistagloriousalsa.

Captain Candy's Catastrophic Chili: One Big Bowl O' Birthday Fun

 As I mentioned not long ago in my last entry, I've been doing a decent job of keeping our Twitter presence up. If you were monitoring our feed today, you may have noted that it is Matty's 17th birthday today. I, being the thoughtful older brother that I am, neglected to get him anything of significance.

Hey, they don't pay me right now at my job... and I don't think ahead. As you can likely tell by his shirt, he got plenty of awesome presents as it was.

As the day has gone on and I've given the subject more thought, however, I realized that I could give him the greatest present of all: stress-relief.

You see, I have been prodding Matty for close to two months now to post our award-winning chili recipe on the blog. He's been either too busy or too unmotivated thus far to do it... and it's keeping him from contributing. I figure that if I take the burden off his shoulders, guess what on Earth we put in the chili, and get a post up, it'd make his day. A great side-effect? It'll surely make your day too.

That being said, here it is. The big one. That which our blog's measly reputation hinges on: Captain Candy's Catastrophic Chili.

"If the recipe is that good," you might think, "why share it with us lowly peasants lurking in the blogosphere?"

A good question, but one that is easily answered. Since we waited forever and a day to actually post this recipe, measured things... less than accurately, and hardly remember what we put in to begin with (I wish you could see this crumpled, pencil-scrawled sheet of paper in front of me), I don't think we're in any danger of losing a fortune on this one. Besides, we only actually took the 2nd place medal (out of 14 entries), our egos have been kept in check for now.

To be honest, the chili wasn't even our idea. Our church hosts a "Chili Cook-off" every year, and every year you know where to find us when that day comes around...

Not at the cook-off.

We don't have great memories, so we've never quite made it there. This year, however, we didn't have too much of a choice. The pastoral associate at the church, a very bright guy named Bill, knew about the Culinary Conquistadors and knew that we had a bit (keyword being BIT) of cooking experience. He hounded us week after week about when he was gonna see our name on the entries list and how he couldn't wait to try that Conquistador chili. He wasn't being obnoxious, just probably knew that we didn't have the gumption to enter ourselves.

Finally, without Matty's permission, I put our names on a slip and we were in the running.

When that fateful weekend came around, we hit the store, grabbed some ingredients, and went to work. given how long ago it was that we actually made the chili, I'll skip the faulty narrative and stick to the phases of preparation. Here is how it all went down.

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Captain Candy's Catastrophic Chili

Serves: ???? (a crock-pot's worth)
Cook Time: ~6 hours (though you won't be present the whole time)

Phase I: Meat and Flavorings

• What you'll need
• Coarsely ground beef (2.5 lbs+)
• Bulb of garlic (6 cloves)
• Salt & Pepper
• Onions (1.5 cups+)
• Olive oil (a few Tbsp. to cover the electric frying pan

• Preparation
• Thaw the beef, chop it up. Keep it chunky. Microwave, hot water, whatever you need to do to make sure it's not frozen and can be worked with.
• Chop up your onions. We diced them, but not finely. pieces were probably 1/2 in. long.
• Crush your cloves of garlic. We used a garlic press, I recommend one if you can find it
• Add oil to electric frying pan, turn to 300°F. Heat oil.

•  Cooking
• Put beef into the electric frying pan / heated oil. 
• Add prepared garlic and onions
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Allow the mixture to cook for a few minutes until the beef and seasonings are browned

Phase II: Vegetables

• What you'll need
• Variously colored bell peppers, the more colors, the more fun (1.5 cups+)
• Celery, chopped (1.5 cups+)

• Preparation
• Chop that business. Like onions, don't go too fine.

• Cooking
• Drain meat and seasonings
• Add new oil to frying pan
• Add chopped vegetables
• Sauté vegetables for 5 min. or until soft

Phase III: Beans, Spices, Etc.

• What you'll need
• Kidney beans (40.5oz. can)
• Dark red kidney beans (30oz. can)
•  Can of tomatoes with oregano, basil, and garlic (28oz) [You may want to try the kind with diced green chilies in it as well]
• Spices
• Oregano
• Ground black pepper
• Basil
• Chili powder
• Hot paprika
• Cinammon
• Crushed red pepper 

•  Preparation
• Drain beans

• Cooking
• Add drained beans to vegetables in electric frying pan
• Add seasoned tomato mixture
• Stir, add spices to mixture. Now I realize that we haven't given you any measurements, but honestly we didn't measure it either. You've just got to work with what you have and guess a bit along the way. We continually tweaked the spices toward the end to equalize spiciness, saltiness, sweetness, tartness, etc. to meet our qualifications. We'll come back to this... just put in a couple shakes for now and try not to overdo it.

Phase IV: All Together Now!

• Combination
• Add everything, meat, vegetables, etc. to crock pot
• Simmer the mixture for several hours (4-5 hrs.) The flavors need to "become acquainted", as one of our aunts likes to say. Don't bother taste testing for a while.
• We kept a bit of overflow simmering in the electric frying pan for testing purposes... we had very little faith in ourselves and wanted to avoid polluting the whole batch if possible. You may want to try this too

Phase V: Hittin' the Sauce - Finishing Touches

• What you'll need
• Buffalo sauce (We used a brand called "Moore's", 16oz.)
• Frank's Hot Sauce
• Srirachi asian hot sauce
• Limes (two)

• Mixing it up
• Juice both limes, add the juice to the chili
• This is where any semblance of a scientific approach falls apart. We added the entire bottle of buffalo sauce, squirts of Frank's and srirachi, and fiddled with cinammon, hot paprika, and chili powder. Here are some pointers:
• The lime juice and cinammon add a sweetness to the mixture with a bit of tartness from the limes
• Srirachi sauce adds spice, but almost a little sweetness as well
• Frank's has more distinct flavor than the srirachi sauce, thus adding more spice that equalizes the sweetness
• Chili powder, hot paprika, and crushed red pepper all add spice
• Salt and pepper are useful for normalizing any oddities
• Pray that it works out and don't give up until you find a flavor you like

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... Or something like that.

It wasn't exact, it wasn't elegant, but it was pretty dang good. For once, you don't even have to take just our word for it either.

What we learned from all of this is that chili is something that is meant to be toyed with and is hard to mess-up. As long as you have a consistent base with the beef and vegetables, your originality will come from how you season it. In our case, the limes and srirachi are what really made the difference, I believe.

You don't even have to use beef if you want to try something different. The chili that took number one in the cook-off was a green chili-based, shredded chicken chili. It was made by a woman who was a much more accomplished cook than we and was thus a tasty departure from the norm. If you're confident, try something crazy!

Now that it's Spring, chili-season may have passed for the most part... but if you're looking fora different spin on a recognized classic, we suggest giving this one a try. Captain Candy has never let anyone down... at least not yet.

Re-establishment... the Western Way

Greetings followers/ Internet-world! We're still here.

You may have noticed (or not, depending on how often you're around these parts) that things are a bit different on the site right now. We had to do a bit of clean-up given some formatting issues we've run into of late. While Safari, Opera, and Chrome have all seemed content to show the blog the way it ought to look, Firefox and Internet Explorer haven't shared in that view of late. After struggling for some weeks to find out what has been causing the problem, it seems as though we've fixed our issues.

As a result of our tinkering, you'll note the sidebars have been altered slightly and that a new poll has been put in place (you should respond to it). Hopefully the site will stay in one piece henceforth and we can focus a bit more on what we're supposed to be doing - cooking.

On that note, I have a little something-something to share with y'all today - a recipe brought to us by the very same little lady that imparted unto us her buffalo chicken dip knowledge. Yes indeed, Erin has been back in town for a few days and this time she taught us how to make a variation on something that may or may not have originated from a Campbell's soup can: "Cowboy Casserole".

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"Cowboy Casserole"
     
     Serves 6-ish

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Ingredients

What you'll need:

• 1 small onion (diced)
• 2 cloves of garlic (pressed)
• 1 lb. of ground beef or turkey (if you prefer a healthier alternative)
• 2 10.75 oz. cans of tomato soup(we used Campbell's)
• 2 10 oz. cans of diced tomatoes and green chilies (we used Rotel's)
• 1 pack small tortillas (you'll need approx. 6 of the tortillas)
• 1 cup shredded mozarella
• Olive oil
• Optional: a splash of Frank's Hot Sauce

Directions

The greatest thing about this recipe is that it is simple. It can be made quickly, the preparation is not difficult (something that you cannot necessarily count on with our recipes... remember the gumbo?), and it's tough to mess up. Perfect.

To begin, you'll need either a large skillet or an electric frying pan: we used the latter. Once you find that, you're ready to cook.

1. Begin by pouring some olive oil into your skillet/frying pan, just enough to roughly cover the bottom. Turn the heat onto Medium (or equivalent).

2. Dice your onions / press your garlic if you have not done so yet. Once they're in appropriate form, toss them into your skillet to saute. Leave them in there, stirring as necessary until the onions are browned.

3. Add your hamburger, chopping it up with a spoon or spatula as you do. Begin browning the hamburger in the oil with the onion and garlic.

4. Slice your tortillas into bite-sized pieces while the hamburger is cooking. I used a knife to slice the tortillas, though a kitchen scissors would work.

5. Add your cans of tomato soup and tomatoes/chilies to the skillet. Stir together with the ingredients already present and heat the mixture. Think of it as if you were heating a can of soup; it shouldn't take more than a few minutes to reach a good temperature. Erin added a dash of Frank's Hot Sauce here. The chilies add a kick of their own, so this is optional dependent on taste.

6. Pour your mixture into a large serving bowl. Place tortilla strips and cheese in their own bowls and serve. Tortilla strips and cheese are meant to be used as a topping for the soupy casserole, adding consistency. Add these ingredients as you see fit.

7. Enjoy.


Analysis

In the words of a famous warthog, it's "slimy, yet satisfying." Of the six who tried the dish today, five heartily approved and one (nine year-old) complained that it was a bit spicy for her. This is a great lunch dish if you're looking for something quick but a little different.

Experiment with quantities - we had no problem cleaning out this amount of the casserole, including a side of tex-mex vegetable mix (corn, tomatoes, beans, peppers, etc.), hence the "6-ish" serving designation. As long and you make enough, this one is a sure winner.

JAM-BA-LA-YA!!!

The Treu household has always* had a great and amazing tradition; when we're really hungry and don't know what to eat, we can always count on some good ol' Zatarain's Jambalaya mix. We usually have a few boxes on hand, and we'll add kielbasa slices or shrimp along with lots and lots of Frank's Hot Sauce. This week we decided to channel our love and appreciation of this simple meal into a more exciting and original jambalya that we make ourselves!
*Not actually always. I'm pretty sure Luke's girlfriend Erin did it and we copied her. That's pretty much the same thing as always.


Luke found a recipe at Epicurious.com for some Smoked Sausage Jambalaya: http://www.Epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Smoked-Sausage-Jambalaya-356042 The ingredients can be found at just about any local grocery store, except for perhaps the andouille sausage. That seems a bit more exclusive, but our grocery store had it. When Luke told me we were using andouille sausage, he pronounced it "an-doo-lee" at first, as did the lady at the grocery store, so it wasn't until later that I realized that it was a word I had already seen in my French class. In English it simply means "a highly spiced smoked pork sausage." In French, it means "a numbskull; a generally ridiculous or incompetent person."

We thought it applied pretty well to the Conquistadors.

Here's the recipe from epicurious:

Smoked Sausage Jambalaya

Gourmet | November 2009

by Andrea Albin

Andouille, the heavily spiced and smoked sausage that is a linchpin of so many Cajun dishes, adds its inimitable heat to an able stuffing stand-in. A swirl of cream gravy (above) can help quell the spice.

Yield: Makes 8 (side dish) servings
Active Time: 30 min
Total Time: 1 1/4 hr

1 pound pork andouille sausage, sliced crosswise 1/3 inch thick
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 green bell peppers, finely chopped
2 celery ribs, finely chopped
1 medium onion, finely chopped
3 scallions, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
2 1/2 cups long-grain white rice (1 pound)
1 (28-ounces) can diced tomatoes
3 1/2 cups water

Cook sausage in oil in a wide 6-to 8-quart heavy pot over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until golden-brown, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a bowl with a slotted spoon.
Cook peppers, celery, onion, scallions, garlic, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in fat remaining in pot, stirring occasionally, until golden-brown, 10 to 12 minutes. Stir in rice, sausage, tomatoes with their juice, water, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper and bring to a rolling boil.
Reduce heat and cook at a bare simmer, covered tightly with lid, until rice is tender and water is absorbed, about 25 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand, covered, 10 minutes. Fluff rice with a fork.
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The really nice thing about jambalaya is that the preparation is not tough at all; or at least it's much less complex than some of the recipes we've been using. In the end you just throw everything into a big ol' pot and let it cook. We had to spent a little time chopping up vegetables and such, but that wasn't too tough. We used pre-chopped up celery (so we just kind of eyeballed the celery) and we forgot to get scallions*, but I don't think anybody noticed.
*corrected

The general concensus at the end was that our jambalaya was a success. Jambalaya is pretty hard to screw up, and it's ever so delicious! A word of caution, however; they don't just say that andouille sausage is spicy for no reason. Luke added a liberal amount of Frank's hot sauce while it was cooking as well, but you couldn't even taste the Frank's (and for those of you experienced with Frank's, you know it has a flavor all its own.) This jambalaya is not for the faint of heart or the faint of tongue; but if you think you can handle the fire, you should definitely go for it. It's an easy recipe that makes a good amount of delicious food, and honestly, what more can you ask for?

I really hope we aren't getting big heads with our recent successes, but we are definitely looking towards the future. February just might be our most exciting month yet; we're SOUPER excited!!
.
.
.
I'll give you a moment to recover from that one.

In all actuality, Soup Month is looking very bright! We've already gone shopping and gotten all the ingredients for our first endeavor of February (except the okra... they ran out of okra. So, most of the ingredients.) Stay tuned, because I've got a funny feeling that things are about to get a little more adventurous than usual. And "usual" is frightening enough.

This Salad Don't Run.

America.

A lush utopia where freedom is freer*, bison roam the plains**, and a global melting pot exists to better the lives of immigrants from around the entire world***. American is SO awesome that it takes the name of two whole continents to represent one country! The other countries to the north and south seem to understand.
*Yes it is possible. **In significantly diminished numbers. *** This probably isn't true

It is only in the U.S. of A. that a salad like the one you are about to be introduced to could truly be realized. Is it because of the abounding ingenuity in this country? Is it because the Culinary Conquistadors (also borrowing* a name from South America) have unparalleled experience in the world of food preparation? No, believe it or not, neither is the case... it is because America has one more thing that other countries yearn for.
*No we won't pay you for it

Hot dogs.
Yes!! Believe it! We have created the Spicy Hotdog Salad!
How marvelous! Stupendous! What glory could a hotdog salad possibly contain??

Well, I'll tell you.

The story starts, of course, with my discovery of the Angus Beef Hotdog.

Yes, it's capitalized. The most fascinating of the hotdog species, the angus beef dog is the king of weiners. You may think that all hot dogs are the same. If this is the case, please eat a Bar S hot dog and then an angus beef Ballpark frank and come back with a written apology. There are some foods in this world that truly are indistinguishable when it comes to quality. An organic onion and a regular onion, for example, may taste quite similar. Hot dogs, given their somewhat... unsavory nature, tend to vary quite significantly in this respect. We decided to use the best for our creation, and we suggest you do the same.

Torry, the 18 year old of the Treu sons, stood in for Matty in his continued absence and was the champion griller of these beauties; I handled the salad-portion. If you wish to create this healthy* dish yourself, you need only compile the following ingredients**.
*It does not actually follow that simply because something is a salad, it will make you healthy. ** This should make a meal for ~3 people.

- 1 pack of angus beef hotdogs (we used Ballpark)
- pine nuts (optional)
- shredded cheddar cheese
- shredded pepper jack cheese
- genoa salami (you knew it had to make an appearance)
- diced red onion
- American Mix salad (or could compile your own greens)
- 5 Lettuce Mix (see above comment)
- Yellow heirloom (?) tomato
- Tobasco green pepper sauce (can substitute vinaigrette if you dislike mildly spicy dishes)

The first step is to shred your cheese / dice some red onion and tomato if it hasn't been done previously. Also take some salami slices and cut them into 1" x 1/2" strips. The amount you add is up to you - we used 4 slices of salami and maybe 1/4 of the tomato and onion. Take your lettuce / salad mixes, place them in a large salad bowl. The American Mix consists of iceberg lettuce, shredded carrots, and slices of radish, the 5 Lettuce Mix is fairly self-explanatory. The order of adding ingredients from this point on is mostly arbitrary: add your tomato, onion, both cheeses, salami, and pine nuts. At this point you may want to give your salad a preliminary tossing to mix it up.

Take your hot dogs, we used 6 for the salad (and may have eaten the others) and grill them. Once they are finished, slice them into 1/2" or so segments and toss them in the salad. Finally, take a bottle of green pepper sauce (you may know this at the green sauce from Chipotle) and splash it alllllll over your salad. seriously we used like 1/4 of a bottle. It is a mild sauce so it never gets overwhelmingly spicy regardless of volume. Finally, do another thorough salad tossing, now with all ingredients.

Eat.

The wonderful think about America is it is full of lazy people! Or is that the not-so wonderful thing? I forget. Either way, this salad requires minimal cooking and skill to create, so really anyone can make it. We hope you do. It was unanimously agreed that it was delicious, and was definitely something new. So next time you are out of hot dog buns, consider a salad version. You'll likely trick yourself into believing that you are eating healthily and will surely enjoy it.

My Hands Were Thai-d.

"So you've made this before?"

"Kinda, Whitney and I made something like this."

"But you have a recipe."

"Well yeah, but mostly I used it for rough list of what to buy. I'm making a lot of it up..."

"Oh... well you know I want to put this on the blog, I mean it's pretty exotic. I've never even had Thai food. How much of that sauce did you put in?"

"Um... whatever is gone from the bottle?"

"O..k... and the soy sauce?"

"I'd say like, 8 long drips?"

"I don't think a 'drip' is a standard measurement."

"Probably not..."

"Err... Erin, look, the point of this blog is somewhat just to log our escapades, but also the idea is that a person would be able to remake a recipe themselves based on what we write... Have you measured anything?"

"No. I put about a fifth of the bottle of cayenne pepper sauce in though. That is sorta a measurement?"

"I can't cook with you anymore."

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Matty, we miss you.

The Conquistadors, or Conquistador + guests, have been at it again folks! This time the undertaking was something truly exotic - Thai food.

Now I, dear readers, have never experienced Thai food. I realized how astoundingly hard to believe this must be given the culinary expertise exhibited on this blog regularly, but alas, Thai has not previously been part of my repertoire. All I know about Thai food is that it is supposedly peanut-y and spicy.

If that is truly all it takes for a Thai dish to be wildly successful, then hold your hats and try not to fall out of your seats - this one's an award winner.

That is, if you can actually make it.

As you may have effectively gleaned from the introduction to this wonderful post, we had some... issues with the bookkeeping. My lovely guest Erin was the chef de cuisine for this meal and apparently they teach cooking a little bit different in the far-off, secluded land of Indiana.

It was her opinion that food is to be made in the moment - a rough idea of ingredients and process and an adventurous spirit is all that it takes to make a memorable dish. This is a commendable idea to be certain; the Culinary Conquistadors exist not because of our years of training in the crafting of food, but because of our desire to submit to good old-fashioned trial and error. This approach to cooking, unfortunately, has two side effects. The first is that you, the reader of this laudable blog, have very little information to go off should you wish to re-create this dish, and secondly it seems that the less you follow directions, the spicier food becomes.

This second point may merit further research.

Anyhow, as things stand I will do my best to relay to you at least what ingredients were used and will post a link to the recipe on which this creation was roughly based... I wish you the best of luck should you attempt to follow our path.

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Our Ingredients
- Creamy Peanut Butter
- Red Bell Pepper
- Green Bell Pepper
- Soy Sauce
- Spicy Thai Chili Sauce
- Garlic (cloves)
- Paprika
- Chili Powder
- "China Bowl Five Spice Powder"
- Classic Olive Oil
- Sweet & Hot Mustard
- Large can of Tyson chicken
- Small can of Tyson chicken
- Brown Sugar
- Spring Roll Skins
- Red Onion
- Cayenne Pepper Sauce
- Lots o' TLC

I won't attempt to place any measurements on any of these ingredients as, to be honest, they'd be wrong. The assembly itself wasn't too difficult. Before starting, pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Next, mix everything (that isn't the spring roll skins) in a medium mixing bowl. Start with the peanut butter, add peppers, garlic (pressed), sauces, and spices, then chicken last. Be tasting the mixture as you progress, deciding on level of spiciness. Be aware, my fingers (24 hours and at least two-showers of scrubbing later) still smell like garlic.

Peanut butter seems to absorb spiciness from things such as chili powder, pepper sauce, or thai chili sauce, but baking seems to lessen the mitigating effect of the peanut butter. For this reason you may want to continually augment the mixture with more spicy additions, but be aware that the final product will probably end up slightly spicier than the pre-cooked mixture. I don't claim to understand the physics. I blame oils.

Once your mixture is "up to snuff", lay out your spring roll skins (or any sort of asian wraps ought to work). The Vietnamese wraps we used were made of rice starch primarily, and were extremely brittle... You honestly couldn't tell they weren't ultra-thin plastic circles. For this reason they will break when you try to bend them. The solution, we found, is to take the wraps and wet them beforehand... we rotated the wraps in a large salad bowl of water to give them pliability.

Take a wet wrap, place it on a plate. Take some of the filling-mixture you just created and place a line of it off-center atop the flat wrap: maybe an inch-wide line of mixture, about three inches long would be good. Take the edges of the wrap and fold it burrito-style. Here is an explanation I found on how to do this. Lay the filled rolls on a butter-coated baking sheet (will help prevent sticking). We made enough to comfortably fill one sheet with some space between the rolls (as a point of reference). Place the sheet in the oven, and begin cooking. I am unsure exactly how long we left ours in for, but check them periodically every 5 minutes or so after the first 10 minutes to check temperature and whether they seem to be baked.

Once you remove them from the oven the rolls should be ready for consumption - don't worry if they aren't pretty... they aren't really supposed to be. We chose to pour some of the extra Spicy Thai Chili sauce to garnish the rolls / for dipping; I would recommend trying this as I thought it worked out well IF you want it extra spicy. Otherwise you may want to skip it.

The final result was good, tasted much like I believe it was supposed to, just bowel-shakingly spicy given our zeal for heat. To be quite honest there is a high likelihood of your digestive system being in a bit of disarray after this one. Here is the link to the real recipe. You'll note that it is clearly not at all what we produced, but should give you an idea of some of the measurements.

Erin, unfortunately, had to head back to Indiana today, but she did succeed in leaving us a "recipe" and a lesson: "winging-it" can lead to a positive outcome!

With the return of Matty on Monday our culinary team will once more be complete. Best of luck on this recipe and try not to burn off ALL of your tastebuds... more concoctions (and hopefully more witty writing) will abound in the near future!