Trudging Tacos

"Matty, are we Conquistadors or are we NORMAL people who think ideas through before rushing headlong into things?!"


"... You're right... I'll open the re-fried beans."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thus the operation began.


I know that we said we were abandoning "The Best of School Lunch Week" as it was shaping up to be quite deleterious to our health. I do not deny  making these comments (which would be stupid, as they are easily found below this post). We almost were able to walk away, but it was turned out to be too difficult to quell our excitement over one of the items on the proposed list: WALKING TACOS.

Walking tacos are a young child's dream: a food that is crunchy, fattening, delicious, AND is ambulatory!* C'mon, where does putting a wad of meat, cheese, and lettuce in a bag of Doritos** NOT get fun?*** For one reason or another, the state has taken it's dear time cracking down on this old classic; I expect, however, that we'll see walking tacos disappearing off lunch menus soon enough. In anticipation of their imminent departure, let us once more pay our tributes to this simple, saturated snack.
*We have not directly witnessed the tacos walking to-date, but are assured that they do when you aren't looking. **I have also been informed that Fritos are sometimes used as a substitute for Doritos. This is inexcusable and is, I hypothesize, one of those crazy "Indiana" things you hear about on the news all the time. Can't take those people anywhere.***Yes, I am abusing my right to utilize subscripts. Eating walking tacos gets "not fun" when you are suddenly the only kid in gym class who has to sit out of that Star Wars game with the scooters and foam balls because your chubby rear won't fit on one. I can think of no worse punishment, personally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
HOW TO MAKE 'EM


Walking tacos are simple beasts to construct.


1. Get Doritos. Generally the small, individual packs are best, but if you want to save a few $ you can get a big bag and just eat off a plate instead of out of the bag. The taste will be the same, but the feeling of endeavoring toward something stupid that brings back such fond memories of childhood (e.g., digging in a tiny bag with a fork for something that a fork really can't pick up to begin with) may be entirely lost on you.

2. You'll want about 1lb. of ground beef or turkey for 6 individual bags of Doritos. I hadn't used turkey until today, but it is a bit healthier than the beef. Yes, yes, I know it's like shooting a wildfire with a Super Soaker and is hardly going to make a difference in a dish like this, but its a self-confidence boost. Brown the meat like you would any other time: put some oil in a skillet, add some chopped onions and maybe a bit of crushed garlic, and let the meat cook through as you poke at it now and then with a spatula. Add a packet of taco seasoning; any brand will do. The whole process shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes.


3. Either buy shredded cheddar cheese or do what we did: buy a big block of it and shred it yourself. Decide how much you'd want on a normal taco and translate that to the walking tacos. 


4. Again, either buy shredded lettuce or a head of lettuce to shred yourself. If you are like us and make a trip to Giant Eagle only to realize that they DO NOT SELL HEADS OF LETTUCE despite months a work to majorly expand their store and selection, you'll have to get the pre-shredded kind and grimace at how lazy you feel.


5. Add additional ingredients if you feel the need; anything that you would put on tacos. We selected a small can of diced green chilies and re-fried beans this time around. If you use re-fried beans, you'll want to heat them first: we put more oil in a second pan and glopped it all in to achieve this (three-fried beans?).


6. Open up your Doritos bag and slop everything in there. You'll feel very little like a foodie and very much like a proud armchair quarterback, but that's just the nature of the "dish".


7. Enjoy, overlooking feelings of guilt by assuring yourself you won't try this again for at least a year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking tacos are very, very hard to screw up and thus saying, "they were good" seems almost unnecessary. The re-fried beans and chilies were a new addition for me, but that worked out pretty well too. If you're ever looking for something resembling homemade Taco Bell but can't wrangle up legitimate taco shells, this one may be for you. If you've never tried a walking taco, I suggest you do it once... just don't expect to run into them on many non-county fair menus.


If you detect a lack of enthusiasm on my part, it's not your imagination. Walking tacos DO taste delicious and bring back fond childhood memories for sure... I guess I have just come a long way since then. I've been doing my best to be working out, drinking lots of water and eating semi-healthily recently, so it is tough to eat something that just feels bad for me. Matty will probably read this and tell me to suck it up and enjoy things... he certainly enjoyed his share of the eats tonight. Meh. Consider me a wet blanket and go buy you some Doritos.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


On an unrelated note, we've been very behind around here lately... Deering has been a bit of a phantom shifting between towns, Matty is tied up in a lot of extracurriculars/school stuff and I... well I haven't been as good as I could be either. I am looking forward to getting the team together to talk some Conquistador strategy and make some plans for moving forward. Stay tuned as we progress along those notes. Thanks, as always, for sticking with us this far!

The Fate of "Best of the School Lunch Week"

We, the Conquistadors, have made a number of questionable decisions in the past... as many of you well know. For those who don't know, watch the video on the Chicken Crab Valentine post.

Among our iffy choices, I would like to rank our most recent idea, "Best of the School Lunch Week". When we came up with the idea, we were excited. After all, there were certain items from a school lunch menu that every child, at least in our generation, should recall savoring. What we also have realized after our first entry is why our nation's school children are probably so obese.

Our proposed entries would have gone something like this:

1. Meatball subs - Meatballs, marinara sauce, and cheese in a bun
2. Walking tacos - Ground beef, cheese and lettuce in a bag of Doritos
3. Pizza - I think you know what this is. We actually made it too - gruyere, blue, cheddar, and mozzarella cheese, chicken and pepperoni pizza to be exact
4. Italian dunkers - Breadsticks covered in cheese, dipped in marinara sauce
5. Footlong hot dogs - Hot dogs that are roughly a foot long.

As we analyzed this list we realized that it may be delicious, but certainly wouldn't do much to help us establish a sightly waistline. Meat of questionable fortitude? Check. Lots of carbohydrates? Check. Artery numbing cheese? Definitely.

We called off "Operation: School Lunch" in the best interest of healthy eating after a bit of deliberation, but thought it appropriate to at least give you an idea where we were going with it. I understand that school lunches have changed a bit since my grade school days, or so Matty tells me. When I was in middle and high school, $.50 pop cans and $.75 pop bottles were plentiful, the lunches were tasty but fattening, and things were a bit more lax than they are now. Sound like it happened a while back? Not really... I graduated from high school only five years ago. I'm sure that today's nutritious metamorphosis enveloping schools is for the best, but I am a product of the days when no one seemed to care much about healthy lunches.. and their neglect was delicious.

*************************************************************************

In other news, speaking of Operation: School Lunch, Operation: Iraqi Freedom is over. I'm watching MSNBC right now and just witnessed the last U.S. convoy of combat troops cross out of Iraq into Kuwait. I'm sure a lot of people are breathing a sigh of relief and others are concerned about how things will look without our soldiers... however you look at it,  it's a historic moment.

The Best of the School Lunch Menu, Part I: MEATBALLS! MEATBALLS!! MEATBALLS!!!

Around the time of our triumphant return to Ohio, Luke and I stumbled upon a rather glorious idea; an idea too exciting, heartwarming, and tasty-sounding to pass up.  We also realize that due to our prolonged absence, we managed to miss the anniversary of this fine blog's formation.  We are therefore retroactively declaring a prolonged Conquista-holiday!! And with it, a prolonged theme for the next few entries, similar to our Soup Month! (except we're not sure how long we can milk this thing, so we're not calling it a "month," per se.)

The theme, as you have probably divined from this post's title, is "The Best of the School Lunch Menu."  Surely you remember it*: there you are, sitting in class about to break for lunch. You lean across the desk to your friend and ask if he remembers what's for lunch today. "Uhh, I think it's walking tacos." And just like that, DING! Your day is suddenly that much brighter!
*Note: If you don't remember it, just trust us. It's good stuff.

The first item to be tackled (lovingly) was the humble meatball sub.  In true Conquistador fashion, we happened to find a bag full of precooked meatballs in the freezer, so we got some nice big Italian steak rolls on our next grocery visit.  Most houses usually have some tomato sauce of some kind sitting around (we used an 8oz can); apart from seasoning for your sauce, these three components are really all you need.  I regret that we did not make the meatballs ourselves.  It wouldn't have been difficult, but like I said, we used what we had.

The only part of this creation that really required any "cooking" was the sauce, so that is where we urge you to incorporate your own unique style and choice of seasoning.  It just so happens that our style usually involves Buffalo sauce. With a few pinches of sugar, several shakes of grated parmesan cheese, some ground black pepper and some Italian seasoning, our sauce turned out quite zesty indeed. 

Assembly of this meal probably doesn't need to be explained, but I will do so anyway.  Place some provolone slices in your buns and lightly toast them. (We used a toaster oven on the "keep warm" function.)  Once your sauce has been seasoned and heated, plop a few meatballs in your sauce pot and roll them around until they are nice and coated.  Place the meatballs in your sub(s); our steak rolls held four meatballs each.  Finally, spoon out the sauce that remains onto the meatballs, drenching them in zesty saucy goodness.  Here is a brief overview of our course of action:

1. Heat meatballs.
2. Mix and heat spices and sauce in saucepan.
3. Add a slice of provolone to each sub and lightly toast.
4. Combine.
5. Consume.

As you can see by the expression of sheer euphoria, the subs were quite a success.  We made them in the space of about 20 minutes, and the ingredients were not difficult to come by at all.  I would highly recommend this to anyone to make at any time; it's an exceedingly simple and supremely satisfying meal, and there is even some room for experimentation in the seasoning of the sauce.

Be prepared for the next exciting installment!  Seeing as we are bound by the unbreakable Conquistador Code of Secrecy, we cannot reveal what we're planning for our next venture.  Fortunately, the Code mentions nothing about leaving big obvious hints: