Chili Lime Beef Wraps: A Tale of Love, Loss, and Excuses

Looking at our blog from time to time and calculating the number of days that pass between entries sometimes, I could see how you would think we are lazy and never live up to our promises.

I could see that.

I could see it because, for the most part, you'd be right. A very successful, well-loved businessman in Cleveland, Umberto Fideli, once told me, "Always underpromise and overdeliver." He was speaking to a group of us on the topic of networking at a PR firm at which I was formerly employed. Mr. Fideli is someone that I greatly admire, and I took his words to heart. Why then, do we say that we'll do one thing on this blog and often do another? Well, for a few reasons.

First and foremost, you may have figured out at this point that I am in many ways the "captain" of this blog, having started it and, for the most part, having managed it over the course of its existence. I am not the most entertaining writer and I am not the best cook, but part of running something is knowing when to recruit people more talented than yourself. All of this being said, I get fanciful ideas about how to improve the blog from time to time, and in my zeal I share these ideas with you via blog posts. In my excitement, I often talk to Matty and Deering about how we could pump out more posts, try new recipes, improve our social media presence, and generally kick a bit more ass around here. They nod, say something along the lines of, "sounds good, man", and then go about their lives.

I do not fault my compatriots for being busy people, but the fact of the matter is that we are a bit too disorganized and generally tied-up to get a lot of stuff done around here. It isn't that we don't try - take the subject of this post, for instance. Matty, Britta, and I made "chili lime beef wraps" about a month ago, had a great time making them, and they even tasted pretty darn good. We had our girlfriends over for dinner while we made the wraps; it was a lot of fun. When it was all over, I talked to Matty and asked him to write up the post on the wraps and he agreed to. Here we are a month later now, the recipe has been lost (it was on one of those recipe cards you find around Heinen's or any other grocery store), and he never got around to writing the post.

The chili lime beef wraps were not the first casualty of our forgetfulness... We have made dishes before, some very intricate, expensive ones, even (especially when Deering is involved because he knows what he is doing more than we brothers do); we just forget to write up the posts, lose recipes, or can't recall details until it is too late to rectify the situation.

If you are reading this far and are thinking to yourself, "Boy, this is the longest excuse I've read all day", I feel for you. I'll cut out my ramblings soon enough; I just want to let you guys all know how things work around here. We haven't been fair to our readers, we haven't undertaken enough culinary projects, and we haven't got our crap together as far as organization is concerned. I'll ask that my fellow Conquistadors sign off on this post so that it is not simply one more "pseudo-promise" that we're going to go back on.

I am going to dedicate more time to making sure that this blog is something that I can be proud of at all times.

I know that blogging (at least for the vast majority of people) is about fun, and I intend to keep it that way. This isn't going to become work, but I still want to treat it with respect. I don't see us getting back any of the posts that we've "lost" in the past, but I also don't intend to let any more slip through the cracks. Conquistadors are adventurers, and sometimes you take a wrong turn or fall in a pit of quicksand/snakes/Alamo Soup. You gotta know how to learn from your mistakes and press on, more savvy than you started out.


Fall is a ballin' season and there are a lot of fun recipes (and beer pairings) to go along with it. Let's make the most of it and enjoy the culinary landscape this autumn, together.

Captain Candy's Catastrophic Chili: One Big Bowl O' Birthday Fun

 As I mentioned not long ago in my last entry, I've been doing a decent job of keeping our Twitter presence up. If you were monitoring our feed today, you may have noted that it is Matty's 17th birthday today. I, being the thoughtful older brother that I am, neglected to get him anything of significance.

Hey, they don't pay me right now at my job... and I don't think ahead. As you can likely tell by his shirt, he got plenty of awesome presents as it was.

As the day has gone on and I've given the subject more thought, however, I realized that I could give him the greatest present of all: stress-relief.

You see, I have been prodding Matty for close to two months now to post our award-winning chili recipe on the blog. He's been either too busy or too unmotivated thus far to do it... and it's keeping him from contributing. I figure that if I take the burden off his shoulders, guess what on Earth we put in the chili, and get a post up, it'd make his day. A great side-effect? It'll surely make your day too.

That being said, here it is. The big one. That which our blog's measly reputation hinges on: Captain Candy's Catastrophic Chili.

"If the recipe is that good," you might think, "why share it with us lowly peasants lurking in the blogosphere?"

A good question, but one that is easily answered. Since we waited forever and a day to actually post this recipe, measured things... less than accurately, and hardly remember what we put in to begin with (I wish you could see this crumpled, pencil-scrawled sheet of paper in front of me), I don't think we're in any danger of losing a fortune on this one. Besides, we only actually took the 2nd place medal (out of 14 entries), our egos have been kept in check for now.

To be honest, the chili wasn't even our idea. Our church hosts a "Chili Cook-off" every year, and every year you know where to find us when that day comes around...

Not at the cook-off.

We don't have great memories, so we've never quite made it there. This year, however, we didn't have too much of a choice. The pastoral associate at the church, a very bright guy named Bill, knew about the Culinary Conquistadors and knew that we had a bit (keyword being BIT) of cooking experience. He hounded us week after week about when he was gonna see our name on the entries list and how he couldn't wait to try that Conquistador chili. He wasn't being obnoxious, just probably knew that we didn't have the gumption to enter ourselves.

Finally, without Matty's permission, I put our names on a slip and we were in the running.

When that fateful weekend came around, we hit the store, grabbed some ingredients, and went to work. given how long ago it was that we actually made the chili, I'll skip the faulty narrative and stick to the phases of preparation. Here is how it all went down.

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Captain Candy's Catastrophic Chili

Serves: ???? (a crock-pot's worth)
Cook Time: ~6 hours (though you won't be present the whole time)

Phase I: Meat and Flavorings

• What you'll need
• Coarsely ground beef (2.5 lbs+)
• Bulb of garlic (6 cloves)
• Salt & Pepper
• Onions (1.5 cups+)
• Olive oil (a few Tbsp. to cover the electric frying pan

• Preparation
• Thaw the beef, chop it up. Keep it chunky. Microwave, hot water, whatever you need to do to make sure it's not frozen and can be worked with.
• Chop up your onions. We diced them, but not finely. pieces were probably 1/2 in. long.
• Crush your cloves of garlic. We used a garlic press, I recommend one if you can find it
• Add oil to electric frying pan, turn to 300°F. Heat oil.

•  Cooking
• Put beef into the electric frying pan / heated oil. 
• Add prepared garlic and onions
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Allow the mixture to cook for a few minutes until the beef and seasonings are browned

Phase II: Vegetables

• What you'll need
• Variously colored bell peppers, the more colors, the more fun (1.5 cups+)
• Celery, chopped (1.5 cups+)

• Preparation
• Chop that business. Like onions, don't go too fine.

• Cooking
• Drain meat and seasonings
• Add new oil to frying pan
• Add chopped vegetables
• Sauté vegetables for 5 min. or until soft

Phase III: Beans, Spices, Etc.

• What you'll need
• Kidney beans (40.5oz. can)
• Dark red kidney beans (30oz. can)
•  Can of tomatoes with oregano, basil, and garlic (28oz) [You may want to try the kind with diced green chilies in it as well]
• Spices
• Oregano
• Ground black pepper
• Basil
• Chili powder
• Hot paprika
• Cinammon
• Crushed red pepper 

•  Preparation
• Drain beans

• Cooking
• Add drained beans to vegetables in electric frying pan
• Add seasoned tomato mixture
• Stir, add spices to mixture. Now I realize that we haven't given you any measurements, but honestly we didn't measure it either. You've just got to work with what you have and guess a bit along the way. We continually tweaked the spices toward the end to equalize spiciness, saltiness, sweetness, tartness, etc. to meet our qualifications. We'll come back to this... just put in a couple shakes for now and try not to overdo it.

Phase IV: All Together Now!

• Combination
• Add everything, meat, vegetables, etc. to crock pot
• Simmer the mixture for several hours (4-5 hrs.) The flavors need to "become acquainted", as one of our aunts likes to say. Don't bother taste testing for a while.
• We kept a bit of overflow simmering in the electric frying pan for testing purposes... we had very little faith in ourselves and wanted to avoid polluting the whole batch if possible. You may want to try this too

Phase V: Hittin' the Sauce - Finishing Touches

• What you'll need
• Buffalo sauce (We used a brand called "Moore's", 16oz.)
• Frank's Hot Sauce
• Srirachi asian hot sauce
• Limes (two)

• Mixing it up
• Juice both limes, add the juice to the chili
• This is where any semblance of a scientific approach falls apart. We added the entire bottle of buffalo sauce, squirts of Frank's and srirachi, and fiddled with cinammon, hot paprika, and chili powder. Here are some pointers:
• The lime juice and cinammon add a sweetness to the mixture with a bit of tartness from the limes
• Srirachi sauce adds spice, but almost a little sweetness as well
• Frank's has more distinct flavor than the srirachi sauce, thus adding more spice that equalizes the sweetness
• Chili powder, hot paprika, and crushed red pepper all add spice
• Salt and pepper are useful for normalizing any oddities
• Pray that it works out and don't give up until you find a flavor you like

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... Or something like that.

It wasn't exact, it wasn't elegant, but it was pretty dang good. For once, you don't even have to take just our word for it either.

What we learned from all of this is that chili is something that is meant to be toyed with and is hard to mess-up. As long as you have a consistent base with the beef and vegetables, your originality will come from how you season it. In our case, the limes and srirachi are what really made the difference, I believe.

You don't even have to use beef if you want to try something different. The chili that took number one in the cook-off was a green chili-based, shredded chicken chili. It was made by a woman who was a much more accomplished cook than we and was thus a tasty departure from the norm. If you're confident, try something crazy!

Now that it's Spring, chili-season may have passed for the most part... but if you're looking fora different spin on a recognized classic, we suggest giving this one a try. Captain Candy has never let anyone down... at least not yet.

Re-establishment... the Western Way

Greetings followers/ Internet-world! We're still here.

You may have noticed (or not, depending on how often you're around these parts) that things are a bit different on the site right now. We had to do a bit of clean-up given some formatting issues we've run into of late. While Safari, Opera, and Chrome have all seemed content to show the blog the way it ought to look, Firefox and Internet Explorer haven't shared in that view of late. After struggling for some weeks to find out what has been causing the problem, it seems as though we've fixed our issues.

As a result of our tinkering, you'll note the sidebars have been altered slightly and that a new poll has been put in place (you should respond to it). Hopefully the site will stay in one piece henceforth and we can focus a bit more on what we're supposed to be doing - cooking.

On that note, I have a little something-something to share with y'all today - a recipe brought to us by the very same little lady that imparted unto us her buffalo chicken dip knowledge. Yes indeed, Erin has been back in town for a few days and this time she taught us how to make a variation on something that may or may not have originated from a Campbell's soup can: "Cowboy Casserole".

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"Cowboy Casserole"
     
     Serves 6-ish

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Ingredients

What you'll need:

• 1 small onion (diced)
• 2 cloves of garlic (pressed)
• 1 lb. of ground beef or turkey (if you prefer a healthier alternative)
• 2 10.75 oz. cans of tomato soup(we used Campbell's)
• 2 10 oz. cans of diced tomatoes and green chilies (we used Rotel's)
• 1 pack small tortillas (you'll need approx. 6 of the tortillas)
• 1 cup shredded mozarella
• Olive oil
• Optional: a splash of Frank's Hot Sauce

Directions

The greatest thing about this recipe is that it is simple. It can be made quickly, the preparation is not difficult (something that you cannot necessarily count on with our recipes... remember the gumbo?), and it's tough to mess up. Perfect.

To begin, you'll need either a large skillet or an electric frying pan: we used the latter. Once you find that, you're ready to cook.

1. Begin by pouring some olive oil into your skillet/frying pan, just enough to roughly cover the bottom. Turn the heat onto Medium (or equivalent).

2. Dice your onions / press your garlic if you have not done so yet. Once they're in appropriate form, toss them into your skillet to saute. Leave them in there, stirring as necessary until the onions are browned.

3. Add your hamburger, chopping it up with a spoon or spatula as you do. Begin browning the hamburger in the oil with the onion and garlic.

4. Slice your tortillas into bite-sized pieces while the hamburger is cooking. I used a knife to slice the tortillas, though a kitchen scissors would work.

5. Add your cans of tomato soup and tomatoes/chilies to the skillet. Stir together with the ingredients already present and heat the mixture. Think of it as if you were heating a can of soup; it shouldn't take more than a few minutes to reach a good temperature. Erin added a dash of Frank's Hot Sauce here. The chilies add a kick of their own, so this is optional dependent on taste.

6. Pour your mixture into a large serving bowl. Place tortilla strips and cheese in their own bowls and serve. Tortilla strips and cheese are meant to be used as a topping for the soupy casserole, adding consistency. Add these ingredients as you see fit.

7. Enjoy.


Analysis

In the words of a famous warthog, it's "slimy, yet satisfying." Of the six who tried the dish today, five heartily approved and one (nine year-old) complained that it was a bit spicy for her. This is a great lunch dish if you're looking for something quick but a little different.

Experiment with quantities - we had no problem cleaning out this amount of the casserole, including a side of tex-mex vegetable mix (corn, tomatoes, beans, peppers, etc.), hence the "6-ish" serving designation. As long and you make enough, this one is a sure winner.

Gulag? No, Wait... Gulash! That Was It...

Alright! Almost 10 days into March now and we're going to finally post our final entry from February's Soup Month series.

Can you say, "on top of our game?"

Doesn't matter. I can.

Anyhoo, to cap off Soup Month we decided that we ought to bring out the ol' Austrian cookbook. An artifact once promised its own month of glory (see the triumph of laziness that was November), this slender tome has been in hiding for a good bit now. We'll see if we can't win back its favor. We never did write down the recipe for Apfel Streudel... it would be crazy not to stay in its good graces.

Some may argue that trying impress a cookbook is crazy enough.

Regardless, we're back in the last of Osterreich. Or at least in the land of the Austro-Hungarian Empire... gulash technically hails from Austria's paprika-rich neighbor. Same thing, right?

This guy knows.---------------------->  

So gulash, or Ungarishces Saftgulasch, if we go by the proper title in our book, is essentially a fancy beef stew with a tomato-y, well-spiced base. Hungary, as I referenced before, is widely known for its high-grade paprika exports... always has been. Paprika, if you know a little bit about it, comes in both hot and sweet varieties. Our recipe today uses the sweet variety, though we're eager to experiment with its hotter counterpart in the future. Something we'll certainly be keeping in mind when we do, however, is an old Hungarian saying: "Good paprika burns twice." Confused? Wikipedia, in its infinite knowledge, explains. "Paprika contains strong spices; these may cause a burning sensation in the mucuous membranes of the anus." Eek. A rootin' tootin' good time for sure... O_o

As is the case with most of the Austrian recipes we plan to feature, I've made gulash once before in a group setting during my Austrian Cuisine course in Salzburg. I had some idea, therefore, what our end product ought to look like... but not a good one. I probably just chopped onions last time.

Oh well. It wouldn't be C.C. material if we knew what we were doing.

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  What You'll Need

(Serves 4-6)


1 oz. cookin' oil
5 oz. finely chopped onions
1 t. finely chopped garlic
3 T. sweet Hungarian paprika
2 lb. beef chuck, cut into 1/2 in. cubes
1/2 t. caraway seeds
1 1/2 pints chicken or beef stock or water (we used beef)
1.2 t. (or so) salt
To taste: freshly ground pepper
1 T. tomato paste
1 lb. tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and finely chopped (approx. 1 1/4 cups)
2 medium sized green peppers, with seeds and ribs removed, finely chopped
1/2 t. marjoram or oregano

The Process

Heat the oil in a 4-5 quart heavy saucepan* until a light haze forms over it, then reduce the heat to medium and add the onions. Cook them for 8 to 10 mnutes, or intil the onions are lightly colored. Add the beef cubes; fry until the meat turns light.
*We used an electric frying pan. Note that if you do this, you'll have to adjust the cooking times accordingly as the increased surface area with cause faster evaporation / heating


Add a T tomato paste and stir for about one minute. Remove pan from the heat and stir in the paprika until the onions are well coated (and it BEST be Hungarian or else).

Add stock or water and season with caraway seeds, salt, pepper, garlic, and marjoram. Bring the liquid to a boil and partially cover the pan. Simmer for 1 hour, or until the beef is almost tender.

Add the tomatoes and the peppers** to the stew. Partially cover again and cook over medium heat for 25-35 minutes, or until the beef is tender. Taste for seasoning.
**As is generally the case, we managed to mess something up here. We forgot to buy green peppers, using a red pepper and a can of diced tomatoes with chopped green peppers already included... Not a very professional shortcut and not one that I'd recommend, but I'm just tellin' it like it is. We're not pros. NEVER forget (the Alamo soup).

Serve the gulash with dumplings***, potatoes, or Spaetzle.
***We made dumplings, Austrian-style "knoedel", which we'll detail in the next post.

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There you have it. Gulash at its finest. Don't worry if it doesn't look like much... its finest isn't saying much. Gulash is an ugly dish (like many we've shown recently), but an interesting one if nothing else. It's the spices that make a difference in this beefy stew, adding a little bit of "OIC whatchu did there!" to your dish.

The response, overall, was mixed. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't overly memorable either. Using the electric frying pan, neglecting correct pepper color, and screwing up spice proportions somewhere along the line (I'm just assuming) probably detracted from what the gulash could have been. As I mentioned earlier, we made knoedel with this dish and I still can't quite get the recipe straight on that one. It's a work in progress, anyway.

Overall, we give this one a mediocre rating plus points for intercultural style. A pseudo-thumbs-up, if you will.

If you're HUNGARY for something different, give it a try.

Oh come on, did you really think I could avoid that lame joke throughout the whole post?? As good as I may be, I'm not THAT good.

Best of luck.