The Spicy Bacon Buffalo Ranch Chicken Super Sandwich Extravaganza

The ground shakes...
Children scream...
Buildings tremble...
And in a brilliant and dazzling display of light, Matty descends from the heavens, with a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. Oh, joyous day!

Yes, I am indeed back, and actually have been for a while... but now that Lukas, Karsten and I have the house to ourselves (as the others are on a road trip down to Davidson college), we were actually forced to make something delicious. Well, by golly, we succeeded!

What we're looking at is a sandwich, of the chicken variety. We put on chicken, cheese, bacon, and some delightful sauces, and it turned out just heavenly. The whole thing is pretty basic and we were able to make it all from scratch, but the actual frying of the chicken did prove to be a bit of a challenge. We went in with low expectations since we were working with Karsten, the non-Conquistador brother. He was eager to help, and he actually did most of the brainstorming required to get the vision for our bodacious burger.


What you need:
- chicken (amount depends on how many burgers you're making)
- egg (enough to coat however much chicken you are using)
- flour: we actually used potato flour, as we didn't seem to have any regular flour. You might want to plan better than we did.
- breadcrumbs: ours were Italian.
- oil (enough to fry that chicken)
- cheese: we used provolone, and it was good.
- ranch dressing / tiger sauce
- Kaiser rolls: you could use a different kind of sandwich bun, but you'd only be cheating yourself.
- a dash of irony (see below)

You're going to start by cracking open your egg(s) in a bowlish-type thing, and then - this is where the dash of irony comes in - flopping the chicken around in the egg. Once your chicken is all eggy, roll it around in the flour and then the bread crumbs. Next, it's time to fry your chicken in a large skillet with oil. Move it around and flip it periodically, and if you are going to add salt and pepper or other ssssssspices (which we recommend you do,) now is the time to do it. Put some paper towels down somewhere to place the chicken on when it is done frying; you will want to absorb some of that grease. Cook your bacon in another skillet - we had Karsten on bacon duty and myself on frying duty. Again, you'll probably want to grind on some pepper while it's sizzling. You can microwave your bacon... if you have a weak soul.

Then we come to the actual construction of the sandwich. First (and optionally) put any spices you want on the chicken - cajun, chili powder, tiger sauce, pepper blend, whatever. Put enough chicken on the bottom bun to cover it, then put your cheese on top of that. On top of the cheese goes the bacon, and on top of that goes your sauces; ranch is a must, and tiger sauce goes quite well with it too.


Once it's all made, you may want to put it in the toaster oven to melt the cheese and give it a little crispification. Eat.


The general consensus was that this was a triumph; a huge success. It is hard to overstate our satisfaction; this was some quality food. Yes, it did take some time and effort to prepare, and it's not very exotic, but everyone present said they would definitely eat it again. (In fact, we had made a lot of chicken, and at least Karsten and I made second burgers.) We apologize for the long wait between entries, but this one was a definite keeper. And thus, I have made my triumphant return! Look forward to more strange and mysterious adventures in the world of delicious from the Culinary Conquistadors!